I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
