new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
