I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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