How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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