Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
