my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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