you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
