They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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