Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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