you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
