At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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