It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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