Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
