Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
