I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
