im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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