And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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