I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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