I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
