We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
