it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
