I wish I could punch you in the face.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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