he shaved USA in his pubs
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
