I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
