but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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