so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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