so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
