I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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