**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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