I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
