Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
