I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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