Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
