I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
