he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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