meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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