The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
