He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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