Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
