Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
