Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
