I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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