Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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