How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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