I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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