I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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