I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
