I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
