I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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