I cannot find my penis.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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