if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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