he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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