masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize