Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My breasts were aching with rage.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
