woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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