the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
