By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
