You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
