Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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