dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
