dude i'm inner monologue high
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The best revenge is premature balding
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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