I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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