I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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