yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize