that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
