um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Randomize
