I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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