Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
