My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
