I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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