As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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