why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
