Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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