Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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