I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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