on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
