if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
