I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
