and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
