No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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