Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
