Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
