Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
