He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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