he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
