its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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