who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
