Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
