Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
