Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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