U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize